Mistakes

Okay when you are married to a musician for 14 years and get completely ignored for most of that 14 years, you make a lot of stupid decisions. I made the decision to cheat because I did not think that my husband cared. Well my husband did care when he found out and he agreed that he was part of the reason that I cheated because he pushed me away. We went to counseling for over a year, put our testimony out in front of our church, renewed our vows and thought everything was ok for the last 2 1/2 years. My husband walks away from the band for a year, then decides to go back, gets involved in one band, then the church band, then another band and then finally a fourth band. Now he is too tied up in the bands and work to worry about family again. Come forward a year: due to financial issues, we lose the house and have to rent. I start a new job in Overland Park KS which puts me on the road 2 hours a day, so basically I am working a 10 1/2 hour day. My husband works 6 days a week so not a lot of time together. Starting to grow apart again and instead of trying to work it out, then he wants a divorce. I don't want to lose him and I have fought too hard to make up for my mistake and tried to make our marriage work. I feel like I am fighting a battle that is not completely my problem. I believe that the main thing is the fact that he is too busy and this is the only way out. So at the beginning of December right before Christmas, he wants a divorce. Go through a week of hell, and then he decides that well maybe he will move out for a while to make a decision. Then on top of all this, he is talking to a FEMALE for over a year more than he is talking to his own wife. I don't know what to do. I have been married for 17 years and don't want to lose my husband, but I don't know what else to do but pray. I have thoughts of suicide, I don't do anything because of my kids, but I have thought about it. I love him, don't want to lose him, but I think he already has his mind made up and he is going to walk away and never come back. I am going to counseling and I hope he does too, because that is what he needs to do.

New job

Ok so I am starting a new job tomorrow. I go to new hire orientation and then I start training. I will be traveling to and from work. I am very excited and scared. I am excited to start something new but scared because I DO NOT KNOW ANYONE! I hope I do well. I would like this to work into a permanent job that I can retire from. I am not looking forward to traveling back and forth to work, but if it is meant to be it will work out. I know that God does not open a window if he is going to close it later. I am trying to stay excited and positive. I need prayers to get me through the next few weeks.

Friendship????

Wow it is amazing how much you don't know when you are on the inside of a situation looking in but once you step out on the outside and look at it, you see a lot of things that you did not realize were there because you were so closed up. I did not believe a "best friend" could treat another best friend the way that I have been treated. I did not believe that someone could lie to me that way and not have any shame for it. I can't believe how used up I feel and it does not even matter. I know I have heard these things about this person, but did not believe that it could happen to me. I thought our relationship was better than that. I did not realize that there are still people out there to get what they can get no matter what or who it hurts. I can't believe I have put so much time into this relationship and now I don't care if it goes on or not. Now it is out there, and I can put it in God's hands and let him deal with this and he can let me know what to do. God is good all the time and all the time, God is good.

Teenage Attitude

Well my son that I thought was my good son and was not going to start giving me the "teenage attitude" has started giving me the "teenage attitude," all the time. He said it is because I yell at him all the time. I explained to him that I would not yell if he would not continue doing the things that I have asked him not to do. I also explained that yes I am stressed right now and I don't mean to be short with and apologized to him for that but I will not apologize for yelling at him for doing the things that I tell him not to do. This is going to be a long 7 years.

Continuing changes in my business

Well I attended my MK team meeting last night and just listening to my Team Leader's dreams for our team really pushed the fire under me again to jump out with my business again. I have had several personal life issues over the last 20 months in my business. I am trying to get over all personal issues right now. I have to get unpacked, find a full time job and also in there kick my MK business back up in gear so I can succeed with that also. I have a party coming up at the end of the month and this is going to be my new business KICK OFF! I know I can do it because that is the way that I am, but it is just hard because I feel like I have so much on top of me right now. I know that God does not give us more than we can handle, but I just wish he would give me a year with no battles because I have fought all of the battles that I have been given now. I just need a breather.

Moving Follow-up

Well I spent Labor Day weekend 2012 moving from my husbands' family home to a house to rent due to losing the house to foreclosure. I had a lot of help in moving which made it a little better. My friend and her husband helped, my husband, son and daughter helped and my brother-in-law helped on Saturday move furniture and what boxes were packed. Then on Sunday, my son, husband and I moved a few more boxes. Then on Monday, we cleaned out the rest of the rooms. We have to go back tonight to get the rest of the stuff out of the house, and then clean out the garage. You find out who your true friends and family are when you move. There always seems to be something that comes up when you need hep moving, but then they want you help them when something comes up for them. My parents were out of town so they were not able to help move us, but they loaned us their truck and my father has spent the last couple of days cleaning the floors at the house. I hope we don't have to move again. Now let the UNPACKING begin!

Moving Day

Please pray that we get moved and unpacked this weekend and that I don't murder my son or my husband during the move. I forgot how stressful it is to pack up and move again. I hope this is the last time for a while.